Fin

96. I have a computer science degree. Surprise! You would think with my knowledge of programming that I would have a really cool blog design and all these other cool things. But I don't. Why? Because I really don't care much for computer programming. I hit a snag in my college career when I decided that a non-teaching English degree was about the most worthless thing in the world and far too much reading besides. So, um, I had to do something, right. The college I went to didn't have a degree for University Studies, as I've heard that some college's do, or maybe that was just on that one movie. Or a Fiction Writing degree, which I know that some colleges offer. Anyways...having no idea what computer science was really all about, I thought it would interesting, and I'd heard that you could get a good paying job with a computer science degree. I had been told, in fact, that you were pretty much guaranteed a good job with that degree, no matter which college you got it from. However, over the span of the two years it took me to take the required coursework, the whole computer science boom went bust. Tech companies were dropping like flies. Corporations were laying off programmers in droves. And then 9/11 happened during my senior year and pretty much shot what little chance I had left. But honestly, I've always been a writer at heart, and once the novelty of programming wore off, I didn't care for it much anymore. I did my class work, and I did it superbly, but nothing else. I learned only what I needed to get by in my classes and worked on my writing and read books the rest of the time. I did a little job searching after graduation, but quickly learned that it was a futile cause. The industry is picking back up again, so I hear, but I'm so outdated by now and still don't care much about it. The last program I wrote was the last one I had to do for a class over three years ago. I just don't care about it anymore and I can't convince people of this truth. However, my experiences with computer programming did give me tons of cool story ideas. So I won't tell you that it was all a waste of time. And I did meet a really cool girl in one of my classes that I'm still sort of friends with. I long to see her again, but she seems so unreachable. I've mentioned her before on this blog. I try to call her now and then, but she rarely answers her phone, and when she does she's either been sleeping or is too busy to talk. She just had or is about to have her second child, so I can imagine if she doesn't care to talk to me or anybody else right now.

97. I have stretch marks on my belly from one intense summer of gluttony seven years ago that I have regretted ever since. I gained like thirty pounds in two months. Half a pound a day, and most of it went to my belly. My poor skin cells couldn't divide fast enough for swelling fat cells beneath. The marks are mostly faded now, but they serve as a constant reminder. Even if I managed to get myself together and lose all of this excess weight, they will still be there. I can never be beautiful again. I can never be perfect again. I am forever flawed with this ugliness caused by my sin. Well, not never. God will make me perfect again, someday. But never again on this Earth, at least, where physical beauty seems to be the only important thing to most people.

98. I used to love to play with silly puddy. My favorite thing was to flatten it out and slap in on a newspaper so it could peel off a little bit of the ink and show the mirror image of the printed words. And I loved to squish it between my fingers and roll into a perfectly round and smooth ball or into a long limp rope. I loved its pliability to be anything you wanted it to be. It was one of the tools that helped shape my imagination.

99. I'm not a collector. I used to think that I collected books, but I've even let that go. I sold a bunch of them on ebay and didn't regret it. I'm just a very nonmaterial person. That's the only way I can say it. I don't give into fashion very often. I understand when things look cool, but I don't judge people by what they wear. I really try not to judge people at all, as the bible says. People should just be who they are and not try to copy somebody else or chide others for not being just like them. I get the feeling I've said all this before, and I probably have. But it's still true. That's one thing about the bible. It was written a thousand plus years ago, but it's truth is still constant. Truth, real truth, doesn't falter or fade. Because if it did, then it simply wouldn't be true. And the bible also clearly shows that despite advancements in technology, humans haven't and probably never will change.

100. I'm trying very hard to put my life into order. As you've probably noticed from the other 99 entries into this 100 things about me list, I'm conscious of most of my faults and I'm seeking to change. I know that I can't do this without God's help, but too much of the time I try to do it on my own. And I fail. Help me, God, be who You want me to be. Make me stop procrastinating and seeking things for myself. Help me be compassionate for others. Take away my lust and my greed and my envy and my hatred and my stubbornness and my selfishness and all the desires of my flesh. Help me to obey Your word and do Your will. For this is what my spirit desires. Help me to understand that this life is only a testing ground for eternity. Help me pass the test. Help me to remember that the things of this world are ultimately meaningless and soon will pass, and that the things of God are the only things matter. Help me stay focused and keep me from sliding back into the despair that I only create for myself. Keep me forever in Your presence. Amen.