Monday, June 20, 2005

Bit too late to wait for fate

76. I haven't studied literature. You would think, being a writer and reading as much as I do, that I would have studied literature. Yes, I've taken some literature classes in high school and college, but I didn't pay much attention and still managed to pass the classes. But I think it would be nice to really study it. Learn all the literary styles and techniques and get down and dirty with it. Learn it for what it truly is rather than all the mumbo jumbo the college professors turn it into. I'm not saying that all college professors that teach literature don't know what they're talking about. Just the ones that I had. But how would I know. I wasn't paying attention.

77. I like to procrastinate. In high school and college I would put off studying for a test or writing a long paper until the night before and end up staying up all night and morning to finish up. I took a lot of tests on zero sleep and turned in a lot papers with a completely fried brain. The problem now is I never have any deadlines for anything, so my procrastinating ways just turn into long bouts of inactivity bordering laziness where I eventually buoy up enough motivation to get something done. That's why I'm still working on a novel that I started over three years ago. In the last several months, not counting the last several weeks, I got really charged up and wrote most of it. I've got about another hundred pages to go and I'll be finished, but lately I haven't felt inspired enough to write anything. It seems every time I get pumped up and decide that I'm not going to procrastinate anymore and really get my life going the way I want it to go, I do the complete opposite and do absolutely nothing worthwhile and sit and chide myself all the while. I really wish I had somebody, perhaps a clone of myself, to get behind me with a cattle prod and force me to get things done.

78. I remember when toys used to be made of metal. Those were the days. Plastic was around in my youth, but not so widely used. Now it's about all they use. They're even starting to make the bodies of real cars with plastic. I'm not saying it's altogether a bad thing, but I've always felt that things made from plastic are cheap and can't last. I know that the plastics they're coming up with today are actually stronger than their metal counterparts, so it's just a psychological thing.

79. Sometimes I see how things can be better, but I rarely do anything about it. I figure someone else will see what I see and taken action instead. Ergo all these awesome ideas I come up with and tell people about in the hopes that they will follow through with it.

80. I'm afraid of heights. I helped a local carpenter do roof job, and even though I could have easily jumped off the roof of that house and hit the ground running, I could still scarcely get myself to stand at the edge and look down without getting butterflies in my stomach. I can't imagine those people that work on skyscrapers. That whole business just freaks me out.

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