Tearful Goodbyes

No, not really, but I am gonna lay low for a while. I'll keep posting little things. Maybe not everyday. But as I was compiling my 100 things about me list, guess what I discovered. It was over 19 pages long. Single-spaced, except for the extra space between entries. And do you know what that made me think about? My novel! Which I've all but abandoned these last several weeks. If I had put that same energy and effort into my novel, I'd nearly be done with the first draft. So as I renew my efforts in hopes of a resurgence, and as I continue to ponder the questions of the universe and search for answers, my time spent blogging will be minimal. My time spent on the internet will be minimal. I shall engross myself in my life's work. Really make it become my life's work. For I've been treating it more like a hobby as of late. I got myself caught up in so many other things that I found no time for my real writing and bible study. And this cannot continue. I calculated it, and I only have five hours on the days or nights that I work in which to do other things that don't involve sleeping, getting to work, working, or getting home from work. Only five hours in which to live. I'm lucky if I can wrestle two hours of it into writing time. And I've also got my garden and my nieces to play with and people to talk to. A good chunk of it is used in my bible reading and pondering time, and sometimes I just need to relax a bit. So until I can make enough money with my writing to write full time, I fear I have little choice. And the only way to make enough money writing to be able to do it full time, I've got to write enough in the little time that I do have to get something finished that a publisher might want to purchase, thus garnering the aforementioned money that could buy me the time that would allow me to write perpetually. I hate to look at it that way. I hate to think that I'm writing for money. I don't really. I don't write what I think publishers will want, thus compromising my artistic integrity or moral aptitude. But when I have finished what I'm writing, I will seek a publisher in lieu of monetary gain. So look at it and think of it what you will.

Yay! I did it!

All right, folks. Now that that madness is over with, I can get back to regular posting. I'm gonna go through all 100 of those things about me and edit them and make sure I didn't repeat myself, as I'm sure I did. So eventually I will have a link to a fully completed 100 things about me list just below my profile so people can go to it and view it without having to search through my archives to find all the entries. If you've been reading this list on a daily basis, you might want to go back and look at the expanded entries. I posted a bunch of one liners, but I went back and wrote them in some more detail. I think in the future I might do some 10 or 20 or some number of things about whatever lists. That way I can take some of the more general entries on my 100 things list and really break them down. If you noticed, I cheated on the dates to make it look like I posted five things per day. I was using cheat sheets for this before I realized I could make any post look like it was posted on any day I wanted. Why did I do this? Good question. It's part of my perfectionist personality. Ultimately, does it matter? Of course not. I don't understand half of the things I do anymore. Why do I constantly do things that impair me and keep me from having the things I want most? Maybe I really am crazy. Or maybe I'm just really normal. Or maybe everybody is really crazy, which makes us all normal. Or maybe everybody is really normal, which makes us all seem crazy, which again, in turn, makes us normal and crazy again at the same time. Doesn't that all just sound crazy?

Okay, enough of that madness. I have absolutely got to get back into the swing of my novel. I'm gonna read my bible, try some deep prayer, work in my garden for a little bit, and see what I can do.

Fin

96. I have a computer science degree. Surprise! You would think with my knowledge of programming that I would have a really cool blog design and all these other cool things. But I don't. Why? Because I really don't care much for computer programming. I hit a snag in my college career when I decided that a non-teaching English degree was about the most worthless thing in the world and far too much reading besides. So, um, I had to do something, right. The college I went to didn't have a degree for University Studies, as I've heard that some college's do, or maybe that was just on that one movie. Or a Fiction Writing degree, which I know that some colleges offer. Anyways...having no idea what computer science was really all about, I thought it would interesting, and I'd heard that you could get a good paying job with a computer science degree. I had been told, in fact, that you were pretty much guaranteed a good job with that degree, no matter which college you got it from. However, over the span of the two years it took me to take the required coursework, the whole computer science boom went bust. Tech companies were dropping like flies. Corporations were laying off programmers in droves. And then 9/11 happened during my senior year and pretty much shot what little chance I had left. But honestly, I've always been a writer at heart, and once the novelty of programming wore off, I didn't care for it much anymore. I did my class work, and I did it superbly, but nothing else. I learned only what I needed to get by in my classes and worked on my writing and read books the rest of the time. I did a little job searching after graduation, but quickly learned that it was a futile cause. The industry is picking back up again, so I hear, but I'm so outdated by now and still don't care much about it. The last program I wrote was the last one I had to do for a class over three years ago. I just don't care about it anymore and I can't convince people of this truth. However, my experiences with computer programming did give me tons of cool story ideas. So I won't tell you that it was all a waste of time. And I did meet a really cool girl in one of my classes that I'm still sort of friends with. I long to see her again, but she seems so unreachable. I've mentioned her before on this blog. I try to call her now and then, but she rarely answers her phone, and when she does she's either been sleeping or is too busy to talk. She just had or is about to have her second child, so I can imagine if she doesn't care to talk to me or anybody else right now.

97. I have stretch marks on my belly from one intense summer of gluttony seven years ago that I have regretted ever since. I gained like thirty pounds in two months. Half a pound a day, and most of it went to my belly. My poor skin cells couldn't divide fast enough for swelling fat cells beneath. The marks are mostly faded now, but they serve as a constant reminder. Even if I managed to get myself together and lose all of this excess weight, they will still be there. I can never be beautiful again. I can never be perfect again. I am forever flawed with this ugliness caused by my sin. Well, not never. God will make me perfect again, someday. But never again on this Earth, at least, where physical beauty seems to be the only important thing to most people.

98. I used to love to play with silly puddy. My favorite thing was to flatten it out and slap in on a newspaper so it could peel off a little bit of the ink and show the mirror image of the printed words. And I loved to squish it between my fingers and roll into a perfectly round and smooth ball or into a long limp rope. I loved its pliability to be anything you wanted it to be. It was one of the tools that helped shape my imagination.

99. I'm not a collector. I used to think that I collected books, but I've even let that go. I sold a bunch of them on ebay and didn't regret it. I'm just a very nonmaterial person. That's the only way I can say it. I don't give into fashion very often. I understand when things look cool, but I don't judge people by what they wear. I really try not to judge people at all, as the bible says. People should just be who they are and not try to copy somebody else or chide others for not being just like them. I get the feeling I've said all this before, and I probably have. But it's still true. That's one thing about the bible. It was written a thousand plus years ago, but it's truth is still constant. Truth, real truth, doesn't falter or fade. Because if it did, then it simply wouldn't be true. And the bible also clearly shows that despite advancements in technology, humans haven't and probably never will change.

100. I'm trying very hard to put my life into order. As you've probably noticed from the other 99 entries into this 100 things about me list, I'm conscious of most of my faults and I'm seeking to change. I know that I can't do this without God's help, but too much of the time I try to do it on my own. And I fail. Help me, God, be who You want me to be. Make me stop procrastinating and seeking things for myself. Help me be compassionate for others. Take away my lust and my greed and my envy and my hatred and my stubbornness and my selfishness and all the desires of my flesh. Help me to obey Your word and do Your will. For this is what my spirit desires. Help me to understand that this life is only a testing ground for eternity. Help me pass the test. Help me to remember that the things of this world are ultimately meaningless and soon will pass, and that the things of God are the only things matter. Help me stay focused and keep me from sliding back into the despair that I only create for myself. Keep me forever in Your presence. Amen.

Home Stretch

91. My pirate name is Mad Jack Rackham. I just found out.

92. I used to be frightened of death, but I'm not anymore. The longer I live and the less chance there is of my dreams coming true, the more I'm looking forward to spending the rest of eternity in heaven. I'm not reckless and suicidal, but I don't worry about my eventual death like I used to.

93. I should like to travel to some foreign places before my flame is extinguished. St. Louis is about the most exotic place I've been. I was there when they were building the dome where the Rams now play. But I would like to experience some different cultures like Japan's and China's and Zimbabwe's and Chile's and Russia's and pretty much any culture different from my own. This will all be a part of that eventual breaking out of my shell thing that I'm slowly experiencing.
94. I can suspend my disbelief of impossible things long enough to search them out with my mind to find out if they really are or can be possible. This aids my super creativity. People think that a lot of Christians are closed minded fools, for some reason. Though believing in God from a worldly standpoint is a fantastical thing. For me, as I've mentioned, it's impossible for God not to exist. But for the sake of it, I tried to imagine this universe without God in control. Utter chaos, folks. Complete and utter chaos. When God destroys the world, and in fact the entire universe, for the final time, it will be quite simple. He will simply put it from His mind. And it will be no more. Right now, I think we're just living in God's dream. He created our spirits and dreamed a place for us to be. When he wakes up, it will all be over, and our spirits will all be living joyously in heaven or in the eternal agony of hell, whichever we chose. For, yes, it is a decision. God gives each of us a chance, and we decide. No one will have an excuse for not believing.

95. I'm still a virgin. I was holding off on that one, hoping I could think of 100 other things, but alas my well has nearly run dry. I'm not ashamed of it, really. It's a blessing not to have that baggage to bring into future relationships. And as a Christian, it helps me keep a clear conscious. But the truth is, there have been times in my life that if I'd had a girlfriend that was willing and able, I probably wouldn't be a virgin right now. I think that's why God made me the way I am. To keep me pure until the time is right. Though I can hardly think of myself as pure. Like all teenage boys and young men, I've lusted in my mind repeatedly. But you can't get a girl pregnant or contract a venereal disease from lust. It's still a sin, but with less physical consequences.

Travel in time

86. I want to be famous after I'm dead. I want people to look at what I accomplished while I was alive and say, "Wow! Now that man did some things in his day. And he didn't get paid for any of it and he never complained. Just...wow!" Do these things in secret, and God will reward you openly, especially once you're deceased.

87. I love using my credit card. I don't mean that I go crazy and buy a bunch of stuff I don't need like a lot of people that love credit cards do. Well...I may splurge a little now and then, but I'm good at paying my balance in full each month. I don't like writing checks, and I don't like letting go of the cash I have in my wallet. It's just better to swipe the card. And my debit card never seems to work anywhere. Otherwise, I might use it instead.

88. I don't see why aliens can't exist. So far in my bible reading, I've seen nothing against the existence of aliens. I read somewhere where someone pointed out that it says somewhere that Adam's sin cursed the entire universe or something, and that if there were other intelligent beings elsewhere it wouldn't be fair for them to have to share in Adam's curse. But I'm like I wasn't even born and I have to share in it. So what's the difference. But I did a quick search and I can't find where it says that in the Bible. Of course, then there's the deal with Jesus coming to Earth and soon to return and all that. Are the aliens a part of that, too? All these questions. What if God has a bunch of planets going like Earth all around the universe? What if he's been doing the same thing on these other planets that he's been doing here. It says we are made in God's image. But God doesn't have a physical form, so I take that to mean his spiritual image. No reason weird looking aliens can't have the same spiritual image as us, right? I'm gonna write a short story about this someday. And I'll post it right here on my blog if I'm unsuccessful at getting it published in a real magazine or by a real book publisher (since I have no idea how long the tale might end up being.) I wonder if anyone else has tackled this issue before. That's one thing about writing and being creative. You just never know if somebody else has already used up an idea. And if so, how can you make yours different. Though I think because God made us so radically different from eachother, that even if you told the exact same idea to two people, they'd come up with very different stories. So I try not to worry about that too much when I write. Sometimes I'll think of a different slant on someone else's idea for a story. I really don't like stories just to be about ideas and stuff, though. I like good characters and good narrative more than anything else. I get so bored with the fast paced thrillers with onion skin thin characters.

89. I really don't care what my socks look like. Most of my socks look rather dingy. At one point or another, I've worn all of my socks while working in the garden or at the lake fishing, and they've all been stained time and time again so that they're more of a cream color than bright white. But what does it really matter? Nobody sees my socks. I don't wear shorts in public, and I certainly don't take my shoes off in public. So my socks stay covered up all the time. But even so, it still doesn't embarrass me for people to see my socks. I currently have a package of unopened socks that I've had for a year or so. I don't see the point in opening them until I've worn holes in all the ones I got.

90. I feel sorry for old people sometimes. Where I work, I see lots of old people that can barely get around trying to do their shopping. There just aren't enough electric scooters for all of them. But you tend to forget that they were vibrant once. They had tenacity. They've lived long, full lives and they're fine with this stage of their life. They're near the end. They're almost home. I envy them sometimes, too.

Can't be held responsible

81. I'm a second generation bandwagoner. I say this in regards to the University of Oklahoma. More specifically their football team. I was raised to be a sooner fan, but my family does not come from a long line of Sooner fans. My dad was raised to be an Oklahoma State Cowboys fan. My Granddad and Uncle on his side are die hard OSU fans. My dad even went to OSU for a spell, leaning towards a pharmacy degree. I would have had a much more lavish childhood if he'd stuck with it. Though most likely I would never have been born. But during the Barry Switzer era, when OU was winning a bunch of games and a few national titles, my dad jumped on the bandwagon. However, he stayed on the bandwagon during the Gibbs era. He even trudged through the embarrasments of the Schnellenberger year and the John Blake era. I didn't really get into watching much of anything until the beginning of the John Blake's three year tenure. We've had a bad run in National Title games lately, but we've been having great seasons in the present Bob Stoops era. I think we're looking at two or three losses in the coming season, but that's okay. The Sooners need to be humbled a little bit before they can make another National Title run. But all that is beside the point. I'm not a bandwagoner myself. Well, maybe a little. I've been a Dallas Cowboys fan and Chicago Cubs fan my whole life. I did jump on the St. Louis Rams bandwagon after they won that Superbowl, but I've stuck with them ever since. Of course, ultimately, I know all of this is trivial and means nothing and will not carry on into eternity. If people, especially Christian people, could have as much passion about God as they do about meaningless sports, this world could be a much better place.

82. I work overnights. In fact, I just started working overnights. I still haven't quite gotten my new sleeping pattern worked out, but I absolutely love working the night shift. It's hard and fast work, but by and large stress free. You don't feel so overwhelmed that you can't get things done like I did in the evenings. And when the night is through, I feel like I've really accomplished something worthwhile.

83. I really think a song made with bagpipes, a harmonica, and a snare drum would probably be the best song ever. I tend to like every song that has either of the three. I think bagpipes make a nice intro into a song. Then throw in a nice harmonica solo. With a nice drumroll to finish things. I like the clept drumroll sound, too, where you throw in extra beats amidst the roll. Travis Barker does this quite nicely on Adam's Song by Blink 182 (One of the many bands I probably shouldn't be listening to.) But Mr. Barker is quite the Virtuoso. Tom Petty's pretty good with the harmonica. And Korn's Jonathan Davis uses the bagpipes very effectively.

84. I used to be an awesome soccer player. When I was young, back in my glory days, me and my middle brother were about the best soccer tandem in the land. Quick, fast, strong, and utterly tireless. I could and did play just about every position on the soccer field. My last recallable stint being a goalie, just like my big brother. He was the best goalie ever just about, but I never got to be on a team with him, I don't think. But, alas, we moved away to a place that was more into summer baseball and nobody played soccer, so there weren't any teams. I wasn't near as good at baseball.

85. I think of really cool ways to play jokes on people, but I rarely go through with it. I'm so afraid that I might actually hurt people emotionally and physically with my jokes that I keep them on the inside. Or I tell that person how I was going to play a joke on them and how funny it would have been. They will laugh and quietly feel relieved that I didn't follow through with my cunning. However, these jokes will probably be chronicled in my future novels and short stories.

Bit too late to wait for fate

76. I haven't studied literature. You would think, being a writer and reading as much as I do, that I would have studied literature. Yes, I've taken some literature classes in high school and college, but I didn't pay much attention and still managed to pass the classes. But I think it would be nice to really study it. Learn all the literary styles and techniques and get down and dirty with it. Learn it for what it truly is rather than all the mumbo jumbo the college professors turn it into. I'm not saying that all college professors that teach literature don't know what they're talking about. Just the ones that I had. But how would I know. I wasn't paying attention.

77. I like to procrastinate. In high school and college I would put off studying for a test or writing a long paper until the night before and end up staying up all night and morning to finish up. I took a lot of tests on zero sleep and turned in a lot papers with a completely fried brain. The problem now is I never have any deadlines for anything, so my procrastinating ways just turn into long bouts of inactivity bordering laziness where I eventually buoy up enough motivation to get something done. That's why I'm still working on a novel that I started over three years ago. In the last several months, not counting the last several weeks, I got really charged up and wrote most of it. I've got about another hundred pages to go and I'll be finished, but lately I haven't felt inspired enough to write anything. It seems every time I get pumped up and decide that I'm not going to procrastinate anymore and really get my life going the way I want it to go, I do the complete opposite and do absolutely nothing worthwhile and sit and chide myself all the while. I really wish I had somebody, perhaps a clone of myself, to get behind me with a cattle prod and force me to get things done.

78. I remember when toys used to be made of metal. Those were the days. Plastic was around in my youth, but not so widely used. Now it's about all they use. They're even starting to make the bodies of real cars with plastic. I'm not saying it's altogether a bad thing, but I've always felt that things made from plastic are cheap and can't last. I know that the plastics they're coming up with today are actually stronger than their metal counterparts, so it's just a psychological thing.

79. Sometimes I see how things can be better, but I rarely do anything about it. I figure someone else will see what I see and taken action instead. Ergo all these awesome ideas I come up with and tell people about in the hopes that they will follow through with it.

80. I'm afraid of heights. I helped a local carpenter do roof job, and even though I could have easily jumped off the roof of that house and hit the ground running, I could still scarcely get myself to stand at the edge and look down without getting butterflies in my stomach. I can't imagine those people that work on skyscrapers. That whole business just freaks me out.

Baja Amour

71. I once tried to recycle my own paper. I tore it up into tiny shreds, mixed it around in water until it was a mushy, spongy paste, and spread it out flat on the cement to let it dry. I should have added some bleach to make it white again, but I was in Junior High and didn't feel comfortable messing with bleach. I did manage to make a lumpy purplish semi-flat paperboard like material that was good for nothing. I think I might have added dryer lint into the mixture. I think there should be a place where we can take our dryer lint to put back into production.

72. I'm going to revolutionize the publishing industry. Somebody may beat me to the punch, but that's okay. I don't want to do this for my own financial gain. I just want to make books cheaper to purchase so that more people will buy them and hopefully read them. As a writer, promoting literacy is akin to job protection. The more people that read, the more people there are that might possibly purchase your novel and become a fan which leads to future purchases. The current book publishing method is retarded. Let's make books so freaking expensive that the few people willing to lay their money down will make up for ten or fifteen others who don't. That's why you're paying eight dollars or more for a mass market paperback book that probably only cost a quarter or so in labor and materials to make. And that also means that only ten percent of all books printed actually get sold and the rest are destroyed. And that only leads to killing more trees for no reason. I love print on demand publishing, but it still isn't practical yet because of shipping costs. But here's my idea. Bookstores/print shops that have printing machines and binding machines that can put together a book in minutes or seconds. The quality will be akin to mass market paperbacks and I'll urge them to be printed on 100% bleach-free recycled paper. So basically, you go into a bookstore that has a few copies of the more popular books they're selling and a long list of all the books they offer for shopping purposes. You decide what you want, have them printed, pay up, and go on your way. Everybody can still get paid this way. The publisher, author, and bookstore. And the books won't have to be that expensive. A dollar or two, really. And because of the cheapness and ensuing volume that will be sold, I believe that all parties involved will end up making much more money, and we'll have a lot more people buying books and reading and becoming fans and returning and buying more and more books. And because it's in a store, you don't have to worry about shipping costs. It's going to take a major startup event to get this going, but eventually, in time, I believe this can make things better for everybody. If you're reading this, and you have the means, mentally and financially to undertake it, please do. It will be a while before I’m up to the challenge myself. And I'm more of an idea man than a business man anyways.

73. I fall in love in the spring. Not every spring. It used to be every spring, but I didn't fall in love last spring for some reason. I think it was because I was coming off a bad relationship and falling in love was the last thing on my mind. I rarely engage with those my heart has fallen for, but it happens and I feel love sick for a few weeks before the heat of the summer saps it out of me.

74. I once got a free drink-size upgrade at Taco Bell because of what I learned in my high school Spanish class. When they came out with Baja gorditas, people kept pronouncing the 'j' in Baja, and when I came along and said it correctly, the dude running the register was so relieved, he upgraded my small drink to a large one. I knew those Spanish lessons would pay off just like my Spanish teacher said they would.

75. I used to be (still am?) really, really shy. I'm still shy in some ways, I guess, but once upon a time I couldn't bring myself to approach a complete stranger and converse with them. I couldn't order my own food or pay for my stuff at the checkout. I would have my parents or one of my brothers do it. This shyness really hindered me for much of my life, but I've snapped out of most of it. I can get along fine in society, but I still have trouble forcing my will upon others. I don't like to take charge or oppose anybody. I only want peace, and that only seems to happen when you let others have what they want. I was fired from a job once, and I could have easily proven my innocence from the blatant lies they were accusing me of. But I knew that they were making those things up to get rid of me so they could give the job to one of their buddies. So I quietly walked away and didn't make a fuss. I wasn't the model employee, but I certainly wasn't lazy and retarded as they were trying to make me out to be.

Employment Options

66. I suffer from shower amnesia. It's the weirdest thing. No matter how hard I concentrate and try to stay focused, I can't remember if I've shampooed or washed my face or soaped up the rest of my body. Usually, I wash my hair first thing. Then I grab the rag and soap it up and scrub my face. Then I take the bar and lather up the rest of myself. But when I'm done with those three things, I suddenly can't remember doing any of them. I used to use shampoo from a clear bottle, so if the shampoo was still rolling down the sides of the bottle back towards the bottom, as if it had been overturned recently, then I knew I washed my hair. I get a clean rag each time, so if the rag is still dry, then I know I haven't washed my face yet. But for the last part, I'm never really sure. Sometimes I try to smell my pits, but if it was a rather inactive day, then I can't tell. I think I soap up two or three times before I can remember that I already did that part. And the shampoo bottle I'm using now is a solid color, so that adds to the confusion. With everything else in life, I have a fairly good memory about it and I can stay focused. But surround me with water and my mind goes blank. I was almost late for work the other day because I somehow spent twenty-five minutes in the shower when it only seemed like five. But I sure get some good thinking done in the shower. It's probably because I forget everything else. I'll be thinking on a story or a new idea or just thinking about life or God and nothing else at all. It's like my fortress of solitude where I can escape reality and feel good for a while.

67. I am a night owl. I love being up when everyone else is asleep. I love the solitude of it. And it really gets my creative mind to boiling. I do my best writing in the depth of night. I love the utter silence. There are plenty of sounds going on at night. Crickets and the wind in the trees and an occasional car speeding by, but it's not near the racket of the day. I turn my music on the lowest volume setting and slip away into my quiet world.

68. I believe in taking time out for repose. I think it was the Greeks that were big on repose. They felt you needed a couple of hours a day to just sit and think about things. Sort of like meditation, but less focused. I love being in a quiet restaurant having finished my meal and just sitting there, sipping what's left of my drink and thinking about things. It makes me feel really good inside. Helps me keep things in perspective. Helps me remember what's truly important.

69. I have never drank alcohol. Not counting medicine. I've never drank beer or wine or liquor or anything like that. I did once put a few drops of it in my mouth. It was laced with some kind of lime salt and I spit it out. That's the closest I've gotten, and I've had plenty of opportunities. However, I don't believe it's a sin to drink alcohol. Just as I don't believe it's a sin to eat food. But anything in excess is a sin. Anything that damages the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is your body, is a sin. Anything that causes you or others to fall is a sin. And if you, as a Christian that does not believe drinking alcohol is a sin, drink a beer or a glass of wine or a shot of whiskey in front of another Christian, whom you know believes that drinking alcohol is a sin, then you have sinned. Paul talks extensively about this in Romans or Corinthians somewhere.

70. I went through a brief phase where I wanted to be a manual typewriter repairman. I didn't view it as a profitable business, but I did purchase around eight or ten manual typewriters at various garage sales to study their mechanism and see if I couldn't fix the ones that didn't work right. I didn't get very far with the venture, but it did give me an idea for a manual computer based on a series of pulleys connected with micro-thin wires. It would take some super genius engineering to make it practical and not weight ten tons, but I think it can be possible. Though I doubt it will ever be done.

Never pawned my watch and chain

61. I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong. But it takes a lot of convincing before I'll accept the truth sometimes. Speaking of which, there is a sign that clearly states the speed on that road where I got my first speeding ticket. I drove that route today and paid careful attention. And there it was. And now I remember that it has been there the whole time, but I somehow managed to block it out from my brain. Brains are funny like that.

62. I'm too trusting of strangers. I want to believe that everyone is well intentioned and has a good heart somewhere deep inside. But I know that isn't true. I've met up with pure evil and been burned. And more often than not by people claiming to be Christian.

63. I am the youngest of three brothers and no sisters. My mom wanted a daughter. After two sons in a row, she decided to stop having babies. Then along came Jones. Long, tall Jones. Smooth walking Jones. Cool talking Jones. My name isn't Jones, but my parents tried to prevent me from occurring. Birth control, condoms. After the difficulties of the second childbirth, not to mention some difficulties with the first, they feared if they tried again, it would be doomed to fail. But here I am, folks. In the flesh. I tell people that I worked so hard just to be conceived that I used up all my life's energy. That's why I'm so lazy and lethargic today. Okay, stop it. I know that's no excuse. I'm not that lazy, and I'm not really sure what lethargic means, so maybe I'm not lethargic at all. Maybe a bit apathetic at times. But now my mother has been blessed with two granddaughters, so she's happy. No, they're not mine. Hopefully I will be the first to give her a grandson. All I need to do is find a wife and do that thing you do that made me and you and all those that were and are to be. Except for Adam and Eve, of course.

64. I made the transition from cassettes to cds rather easily. Just as I am making the transition from vhs to dvd rather easily. I adapt easily to new technologies. I think the mini-dvd is coming soon. Though Sony's minidisc, which were supposed to take the place of cds didn't catch on quite so well. Someday we'll have these thin, transparent, indestructible strips of plastic about the size of a stick of gum that will hold about a hundred terabytes of info that we'll carry around in our wallets or on our keychains. Computers won't have harddrives anymore. We'll just drop our little strips of plastic into the back of a very small mouse, which will have about a hundred times the current processing power of the most expensive computer you can buy today, which will wirelessly connect to extra-super-thin flat panel monitors that you can fold up into your pocket if you want to. And the keyboard will be this thin, spongy plastic thing with little bubbles instead of keys that can be folded up as well. And batteries that last for days that you can charge up with your body heat by sticking them in your pocket or armpit while you're sleeping or working or going about your day or just let them sit in the sun for a while. And completely wireless networking and internet. They will become this totally portable self-sustaining mechanism that can be folded into the size of a wallet and be so completely durable that it would take a ton of bricks falling from a two hundred feet up to cause the slightest bit of damage to it. You may not even need the keyboard. It will probably be 100% voice activated, and alongside basic English, we'll start teaching our kids how to talk to their computers in preschool. This is the future I imagine, and I can see it happening. But hopefully Jesus will come back before then. And most likely, I'll be dead before the technology can be fully realized.

65. 'G' is my favorite letter in the alphabet. Don't ask me why. It just is. I think it's because it was my favorite capital cursive letter to make. And because I like many things that begin with G. Like Green and Grass, which is also green, and God, of course, and gold and good and gosh and grand and don't make me break out my dictionary.

Speedway

56. I was gonna say that I have never gotten a speeding ticket, but guess what? I got one today on my way to work. I won't whine and say that I wasn't speeding and I didn't deserve it. However, the speed is not posted on the road until you've already been driving it for about five miles. My assumption was that the eventual posted speed meant you had to slow down to that speed. I did not realize that it was the speed for the entire road. I turn onto that road after I've been cruising the highway for the last thirty minutes, so it's sort of a momentum thing where I eventually taper down as I get close to the city. Apparently the highway patrol has decided to start watching this particular road. I've been driving that road for a while and I’ve only seen a highway patrol once before, though he didn't stop me, and I've been speeding my happy self along that whole time. So really, this was an inevitable thing. But I chitchatted with the trooper while he wrote up the ticket and thanked him for correcting my ways upon leaving his squad car. It was really rather pleasant, except for the part of having to pay the fine. All the future nonessential purchases I had bouncing around in my mind suddenly vanished, and a commitment to work harder and stop piddling around with my life took its stead. So I guess that was okay.

57. I really think that computers will someday be liquid inside. As the transistor gets smaller and smaller, ever approaching a molecular composition, the only way to maintain it will be in some kind of electrolyte solution or something similar. Think I'm crazy? Just wait. You may be right.

58. I want to speak a foreign language. I really want to learn French, though I have a cousin who took it in high school and says it's really hard. I know a little Spanish, and I'm confident that I could eventually grasp the language. German would probably be the easiest, since English is a Germanic language and there are many, many similarities. But it would be awesome to tackle a language like Japanese or Chinese, though which particular dialects, I don't know. Mandarin Chinese is a sort of universal Chinese language that they use to unite all the Chinese dialects together. And I might want to learn Cherokee, since it's one of the few native American languages to survive, and a couple of pints worth of the blood that flows through my veins (and arteries, don't forget the arteries) is Cherokee. I've heard that you can learn a lot about your own language by learning a foreign one.

59. I really think I'm destined to live for a long time. Around 120 years or so. Do I want to live that long? Not really. But I'm afraid it might happen. I really think God has so many things planned for me to accomplish before I die that it's gonna take a long, long time. I heard a joke similar to that. That someone believed God had a certain amount of things set out for them to do, and at the rate they were going, they would never die. See, the thing is, God has a lot planned for me to do, but He also wants me to be patient in each endeavor. Honestly, I'd love to go to heaven today, this instant. As Christians, that is our ultimate goal. Our ultimate prize, rather. But we have an obligation to fulfill our duty on this Earth. And unfortunately, my duty is going to take me a long, long time. So I better quit procrastinating and get done what needs doing so God can take me home.

60. I love to pop the bubble in bubble wrap. I think a lot of people love to do this. Though I know some people that can‘t stand it when others are doing it. It just feels like an injustice to me for that air to be trapped in there like that. There's probably good, breathable oxygen in there that we're gonna wish we had someday when the air gets too polluted. I guess we can wait and pop them then. Maybe that's just it. Maybe bubble wrap is a secret government project to preserve clean, breathable air for the inevitably polluted future. Perhaps it's a federal crime to pop them. Perhaps...

Ben Folds

51. I don't like back pants. Nothing against the color, but all the black pants I have seem to collect lint like crazy. I can't wear them anywhere without feeling embarrassed. What is the solution?

52. I don't like to drink tap water. I'm not saying that I haven't, and I'm not saying that I won't. But I can't stand the taste of it. There's only been one place that I've lived where I can remember being able to stand the taste of the tap water. I buy the processed water by the gallon. I know it's more expensive, but its the only way I can get myself to drink enough water. Growing up I lived on pop and milk and gatorade and tea. Otherwise, I would have dehydrated.

53. I don't like comic books. I have quite a few comic books, but they give me a headache to read. And they don't compare to reading a novel. I really don't like any book that has a lot of pictures in it. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I'd rather have the thousand words.

54. I wish I could whittle. I'd probably end up cutting my fingers all to pieces, but it would be cool to make little wooden horse figurines and stuff. Those pictures whittled into boards look really hard to do. I could never get the depth right.

55. Sometimes I have dreams about things that just happened, but with a slight variation, so that I can't remember which version was real and which version was the dream. It really messes me up sometimes until I can talk to someone who was there to let me know which was the true account.

half past a monkey

46. I don't like the zoo. I always felt so sorry for the animals. And zoos always stink so bad. I can barely go into the herpitarium without gagging. And I know this isn't how the animals act in their natural habitat. They get used to being fed and they get lazy. Most of them nowadays were bred in captivity. They barely have the instincts their species is born with. I think Madagascar will be a really funny movie.

47. I used to have a 100 peso coin. I found it on the playground behind the gradeschool when I was in the seventh grade or so. I knew the coin wasn't worth much in U.S. funds, but it still looked neat, and I fancied a trip to Mexico where I could spend it. I thought it would really be like a hundred bucks in Mexico. But I think it might translate into a few dollars there even. Somewhere along my road of life, I lost it. Perhaps some other kid found it and had these same thoughts. Perhaps this coin has been passed on from kid to kid, spawning these same thoughts over and over again. Or maybe the coin is lost forever, it's special power going unrealized all this time. I must find it. I must free it.

48. I'm sure my chemistry teacher made us do something illegal in high school. There was this experiment where we dissolved all the zinc from the inside. And this one where we made the zinc and copper swith places. And this one where we fuzed the zinc and the copper together to make a sort of brass. We ruined a lot of pennies that day. And isn't it a federal crime to destroy money like that?

49. I forget to put on deoderant sometimes. What I really mean to say, is that I'm absent minded. I can remember in detail many things of the past. But it's the day to day things where I get lost. Tell me to pick you up at 8 o'clock, and I might forget. Ask me when I picked you up the day before, and I'll tell you at 8:03. That's just how my brain works. I constantly have dreams that I forgot to do something.

50. I really love the word rinse. I guess it makes me think of cool, refreshing water. When I was a kid taking a bath, I would take my rag and wet it and squeeze it out over my head and think of the word rinse. Or after I had brushed my teeth, I would rinse. Or I would rinse the dishes. I don't know why.

The Long Middle

41. I believe in recycling. I know that this is related to #37, but hear me out. I believe that recycling is inevitable. Eventually there will be a second generation type mining going on where we start digging up old landfills to recover all of those materials we threw away once upon a time. This is perhaps already happening to some degree, but eventually it will be full scale. I try to recycle aluminum cans as much as I can. I used to collect them when I was younger and trade them in for cash money. Once me and my brothers collected so many cans that we earned nearly five dollars apiece. We were living in the big time. I like the idea of living tree paper, where they cut branches here and there off the tree to make paper with, but they leave the rest of the tree alive. It's obviously harder to get the wood you need to make the paper than the normal method of buzzing down a whole forest at a time, but it's a sensible alternative.

42. I will kill any cricket I see, no matter where I see it, and I won't stop until I'm sure it's dead or pursuing it would force me to break and enter. My parents built a room or rather had a room built in what used to be the garage when I was in high school. I was tired of sharing a room with my middle brother. They didn't get the room sealed up very good and every night the crickets would drive me crazy making their noise. And somehow they know how to throw their sound and keep you off track. You know, like a ventriloquist can throw his voice so it sounds like it's really coming from the dummy. Crickets know how to make it sound like they are on the other side of the room.

43. I used to wish that I was native American. I would study up on the different tribes and how they made things and how they grew and hunted their food. I was really into all the native American culture stuff. Then I found out that I am part Cherokee and Choctaw (like 1/64 or less). I guess I lost my heritage to the white man.

44. I am not political. I think the two-party system we have going on in America is retarded. I know there's this independent party thing, but because they are so independent, they don't agree with each other much, thus retaining their independency. So they sort of cancel each other out most of the time. In order to affiliate yourself with either of the two major parties, you ultimately have to agree to agree to something you would otherwise disagree with. Agree? I know I'm probably going to offend some of my online friends when I say this, but I think that Bush II is a horrible president. And I solely blame him for having to settle for a job at the Evil Empire rather than a nice office job as I was destined to have if I had graduated a year earlier. I don't blame 9/11. I blame Bush. I really don't think there's been an all around good president in my conscious life. They've all lied or cheated or did some other manner of evil during their presidency. My apologies to any one I may have offended. Lord, forgive me.

45. I love the smell of gasoline. No, I don't mean that I huff it. But when I'm filling up my truck, I'll get a whiff of it, and it makes me smile. But there's danger lurking beneath that scent. I sense it all the while I'm smiling. Then the smell is gone and my head finally clears after a few more breaths of fresh air, and I'm left wondering what that was all about.

This is starting to get difficult

36. I used to play with matches when I was a kid. And I still like to watch things burn, though I'm not an arsonist. When I was younger, probably around 12 years old, my parents bought this huge case of matches. Rosette, or some brand. So I would sneak a few of the boxes and play with them on the back porch. My favorite thing to do was line them up in a row or in a circle, light one, and set it at the front and watch all the other matches burst into life. The flame would grow higher and higher as went down the line. If I'd set them in a circle, the two flames would travel opposite directions and meet on the other side and suddenly burn each other out. I would make small grassfires, always sure the hose was ready if it got out of hand. I would burn insects. I would leave breadcrumbs out for the ants to swarm around, then I'd set a match ablaze among them. It was really cruel and horrible some of the things I did. Once I took several boxes of matches and went on the small mountain near my house with my brother and a friend. It was summer and it had been hot and hadn't rained and a lot of the grass growing around the mountain was dead. We'd light a match, watch a patch of grass burn, and then we'd stamp it out. My brother and friend decided to be funny and started lighting matches very quickly and tossing them here and there. I would try to follow them and stamp out the fires before they became too much to handle. Well, they became to much to handle and we ended up burning quite a patch of grass and a few trees before the fire burn itself out. We were lucky the fire died before it could reach the house that wasn't too far away. Nobody ever knew who did it. It turned out not to be a big deal. But it could have been so much worse. I didn't play with fire much after that.

37. I am environmentally conscious. I'm not saying that everything I do is environmentally sound, but I think about it and see how I could have done better. I can see how eventually we're going to ruin everything we've got. But this is what I see happening, and it makes perfect sense. The degradation of our planet seems to coincide with the degradation of our society. Revelations speaks a lot about the end times. Are we living in the end times? People love to think that we are. But people have thought we were living in the end times not too long after Jesus ascended into heaven after the resurrection. Society just gets worse and worse. We can't even fathom what it will be like 100 years from now, just as 100 years ago, those people couldn't fathom how things are now. But I think the earth will have become so uninhabitable by the time Jesus comes back that after the tribulation and Armageddon, the destruction of the earth by fire will have become a mere formality. So am I encouraging people to go ahead and pollute all they want and not care so they can help fulfill prophecy? No! Because we still have to live in the here and now, and we should strive to make life as pleasant as possible.

38. When I was in the second grade, I really thought this high school girl was my girlfriend. I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. So what else was I to think. But when I saw her smooching on her real boyfriend, I got all mad and jealous. Then it became very obvious how childish I was. Gimme a break, I was like 8 years old.

39. I once thought that I could be a pitcher. I was in little league, and I'd begged and begged the coach to let me pitch. So he finally let me have a little tryout. After I nearly beaned him a couple of times, I gave up on the dream. I had no ball control whatsoever. I was a true wild thing.

40. I used to collect baseball cards. I don't know what happened to them. I think my middle brother still has them somewhere. I had a boxed set of some year or other and a bunch of cards that were worth a little bit even back then. I could have a small fortune by now if I looked up their value. But back then, all that money I spent buying the little packets, seemed like such a waste.

Coffee Stain

31. I don't like to diet. I tried the Atkins diet once, and it really did work. But after a while I began to feel really weird. And it doesn't let you drink milk or eat fruit. If God didn't intend for us to drink milk and eat fruit, he wouldn't have created either. But I do agree with cutting out all the processed sugars and high starch wheat products. That South Beach diet seems really good from what I've heard. But honestly, if you exercise a lot and don't stuff yourself at every meal, you'll do fine. Unless you've got some kind of disorder. Prayer helps, too. Let God guide your eating habits. There's a reason gluttony is a sin.

32. I've never read the book or seen the movie to Old Yeller. Once my creative writing teacher in college was discussing something and he was using Old Yeller as an example, and he said, "Of course everybody’s read or at least seen Old Yeller." And I raised my hand and said that I hadn't. He rolled his eyes and the rest of the class laughed. But I didn't feel embarrassed. I own the book. It's somewhere...perhaps I'll read it whence I find it.

33. I don't like pretzels. I don't really know why. I'm a very non-picky eater. A few things I won't eat are pickled beats, sour kraut, and pretzels. I'm sure there's more. I haven't tried every type of food in the world, but there's bound to be a few more things that I won't eat. Though it would still be a short list.

34. I love Taco Bell. It's my favorite fast-food place. I always go half and half on my drink with Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew. It's just the best combination to me. But it only seems to come out right at Taco Bell. At McDonalds, I drink straight Dr. Pepper. Any other place, I try to get root beer. I really love root beer, too, but sometimes I get tired of it. I never get tired of Dr. Pepper.

35. I used to be addicted to coffee. I sort of go on coffee binges from time to time. I'll go a long stretch without drinking coffee at all. Then I'll sink down and chug, chug, chug every morning for a while until I decide I'm in too deep. This went on for a while. Back and forth from none to too much. I had my first cup of coffee this morning in about a month or so. I'm dedicated to one cup in the morning and no more. I broke my addiction, and I hope I've graduated to moderation. I'll have to stop myself the next time I grab for the big plastic insulated cup in the cabinet. Before I quit the last time, I was drinking two or three of those bad boys every morning plus three or four cups at work. And I have to have milk or some kind of creamer in my coffee. I can't stand it otherwise. And I don't like to drink it very hot. Lukewarm is perfect.

High five, more dead than alive

26. I wear contacts. I leave them in too long and my eyes get all dried out and bloodshot and people think I'm high all the time. No, I've never been high. I've never dabbled in drugs. I've never even had a sip of alcohol. Secondhand smoke is pretty much the extent.

27. I'm passive/non-aggressive. I think that's why I get along so well with other people. I don't mean that I'm particularly friendly, but I don't try to get in anyone's way. And everybody just loves me for it. Ha ha!

28. I rarely do my own laundry. I'm not saying that I can't or won't, but there just always seems to be somebody else around willing to do it for me. So I let them...

29. I only shave about once a week. I probably need to shave at least twice a week, but I only ever manage to do it once. I never really think about it much. I'll be getting ready for work or something, and I'll notice that I'm beginning to look a little haggard, so I'll shave. Some people have to shave everyday. I hope that never happens to me.

30. When I was little, I wanted to be a carpenter. I would hammer nails into any piece of wood that I could find, thinking that I was building something. My oldest brother told me that I could probably get a hundred dollars for building a house. A hundred bucks seems like an insane amount of money when your a kid from a poor household. My mom bought me some Legos, and I would build all kinds of things with them. I never liked following the instructions much. I could build better things from my imagination. I'm not sure if she bought the Legos before or after I decided that I wanted to be a carpenter. Needless to say, I never became a carpenter.

9 months...

21. I love football. College football mostly, but I enjoy all levels of it. I played in high school, and I guess junior high and grade school, too. I would have liked to play in college, but I lacked the physical ability.

22. I'm a perfectionist. I know I've mentioned this before. I understand that nothing done by a human can be perfect, but I try and try until someone finally comes along and tells me that it's good enough. This is why I don't like to clean. I can never get anything as perfectly clean as I know that it can be in my mind. So after sweeping the floor for an hour or so, someone has to stop me. This is also why it takes me a very long time to complete a story. And I've been recently working on a novel. It may never be completely finished. Someone will have to pull my fingers away from the keyboard and tell me that it's good enough.

23. I love thunderstorms. I feed off the energy of it and get all excited. And I sleep better when it's booming thunder outside my bedroom window. I don't really know why. I wake up at the first big boom, then smile and drift back to sleep.

24. I'm a dog and a cat person. I like them both equally well, though I don't have either one for a pet right now. I don't see why they can't get along. Well, some of them do, but as a species they don't. I almost had a dog, but my brother's dogs killed it when it was a puppy before I could get a pen built. So I gave up on the idea. I think it's cruel to put dogs on chains. But it's better than letting them run loose to bite little children. I'm not an animal rights activist, but I don't think humanity is in a position yet to have pets. We should make sure that our own kind are fed and clothed and sheltered before we start pampering our pets. The pet food industry generates over 13 billion dollars a year. That would easily feed and shelter most of the worlds starving and homeless. It's simple and logical, really. But I'm afraid it's a concept we will never quite grasp and put into effect.

25. I wasted about nine months of my life chatting on the internet. I substituted my chat life for a real social life. It was during my second year in college. It didn't affect my grades any, but I could have been doing so many other meaningful things. I actually met a few of the people I chatted with. Those were utter disasters. Nobody is who they pretend to be on the net. Now the only people I chat with are people that I met in real life first. Mostly family, in other words. A few friends. Finally it became summertime and I didn't have access to the net for three months. That's what it took to break me of my habit, and I'm forever thankful. But still, nine months...

cinco mas

16. I'm missing the tip of my pointer finger on my right hand. How did this happen? Well, I was making some homemade french fries. I was using a newfangled vegetable slicer. But it was getting my fries too thin, see. I like em thick. So I pressed down harder on the flimsy plastic to make the slices thicker. My finger slipped down on the potato as I approached the blade. I was really horrified at what I had just done. It didn't hurt all that much at first that I can recall. I remember thinking that I had chopped off a bit too much. It would have been okay if I'd just shaved a little skin. But no, I trimmed my finger down to the meat near the bone. I got dizzy from the blood loss. I had to sit down. That is probably the most mortal thing that has happened to me. I began to wonder if maybe I would die from this. Sounds ridiculous, but I was a little lightheaded at that moment. But I'm happy to say that my sister in law finished making the french fries for me with a regular knife after my brother tossed the veggie slicer in the trash. It didn't take as long as I thought it would before I could start typing again. For a while I would miss keys or type the wrong key because I couldn't feel with that finger anymore. The nurse said I probably wouldn't ever feel anything with it again. But I'm also happy to say that I have most of my feeling back in it, and I'm typing better than ever. I go days at a time without realizing the tip of my finger is gone. It's not ghastly. Nobody ever notices it. It's not like a disfigurement. I have to hold my finger up and mention that I cut the tip of my finger off before people even realize something is odd. So it's cool. It was a learning experience, and I came out clean on the other side. But in the moment, staring at the gouts of blood pouring into the sink, I really thought this might be the end of me.

17. I like to think that I am better than I really am. Maybe this isn't very specific. Maybe everybody thinks this way. But eventually I get back down to earth and realize that I'm not better than I really am. That's sort of an oxymoron. You can't be better than you are. If you were better, well, then would still be just who you are. You can improve yourself. Your future self can be better than your past self, but your present self can't be better than your present self. It would be like saying that this candybar that I'm eating is better than this candybar that I'm eating. It is what it is. You are who you are. Makes sense, right?

18. Growing up, I wanted so very much to be a child prodigy. I guess this is sort of related to #17. I wanted to be so smart that people would ooh and aah. I wanted to be so fast and strong that people would ooh and aah some more. I wanted to be this perfect being. But we all fall short of the glory of God.

19. I want everyone to like me, but I'm very aware that most people don't. I try very hard to keep people from disliking me. I give them no reason to, in other words. But you have to get to know me before you can like me. I'm just that kind of person. On the surface, I seem very unlikable. Quiet, withdrawn. It's part of my introversive personality.

20. A long time ago, I made a truce with spiders. I will only kill them if they are in my home. Otherwise, I leave them be. Unless they're black widows or brown recluses. I made no truce with those two.

memememememememememememe

I got tagged to do a book meme, whatever that is. I have to answer five questions, it seems, so here goes:

1. How many books do I own? That's a good question really, as I don't quite know. It's a number ever in flux. I would guess around 150 books that I have and intend to keep. That number used to be around 400, but I've moved several times and found myself short on cash and sold a lot of them. I used to have tons of books that I never read. I was probably hitting around the 10% mark of the books that I owned that had been read by me. What happened is I love books more than reading, as I may have mentioned. I would find a book and decide that I wanted it. This was not a commitment to read the book, in my mind. Having the book was good enough for me, so that if I ever had the desire to read it, there it would be.

2. What was the last book I purchased? That would be Ron Mclarty's "The Memory of Running". I bought it on ebay, since for some reason I could not find it in stores. Just when I had decided that I must have the book, it disappeared. And then the first person I attempted to purchase the book from on ebay never sent it. I was lucky to get my money back through paypal. I was really beginning to wonder if the book actually existed, or did I imagine it's existence. For the concept of the book seemed too good to be true. It seemed like exactly the kind of book that I had been waiting for someone to write, or trying to write myself. When I read the article about it, I knew I had to have it. But alas it slipped my grasp. So I tried at ebay one more time before I decided that I was legally insane. And it eventually showed up in the mail.

3. What was the last book I read? Well, wouldn't you know, I promptly read "The Memory of Running" once I finally got it in my grasp. And I'll tell you, it was everything I had hoped it would be and then some. Perhaps a bit too much cursing in a few scenes, but it was all character. It wasn't just Ron going off because he felt like going off. I would never use a curse word in my writing, however. At least nothing I planned to try and publish. I did use a curse word in a couple of my stories, but I edited them out eventually, once I came to my senses. The only part I didn't like about the novel was the ending. But I'm not hung up on endings, so that's not how I will judge the book. I wouldn't say it was a bad ending, but it was rather flat. It felt almost as if Ron was getting tired of writing his little novel, so he hurried up and got to the end. He's an actor, so writing isn't his mainstay, but he writes pretty well despite that. Parts of it are really touching. I'm not much for the touchy feely stuff, but I was near tears a couple of times.

4. What books mean a lot to me? Well, being a Christian, that one is obvious. The Holy Bible. It's a tough book to read sometimes. I've never made it all the way through. I haven't read most of the old testament. I've read very little of the prophets. I don't know why. I know it's all interesting stuff. I plan to get reading on them in the near future, though. Should I mention any other books? Can anything else stand up to the bible? No. But I will throw in a few books, or authors rather, that were instrumental in shaping me into the kind of writer that I am today. The main one being Bruce Coville. He writes children’s books. Very imaginative children's books. Science fiction, fantasy, horror, humor. I read "My Teacher Is An Alien" in the fifth grade, and I just knew that's the kind of stuff that I wanted to write. I already had the imagination, but reading his books really helped me put my imagination to use. I wrote two children's books in high school along that same fashion. And there's one more author I must mention. Brace yourself, first of all. And try not to gasp. And please don't take this out of context. Don't count me as a hypocrite when I mention this author's name. Stephen King. There, I said it. I read "Misery" in the seventh grade because my mom bought the movie, and since it was about a writer, I just loved it. Then over time, I ended up reading most of his books. Some of it's vulgar and blasphemous and lewd. I understand that. But I didn't let it influence me. As it says in the bible, it's not what you take in that makes you unclean. It's what comes out. But reading his works showed me how to be a good writer. I never cared much what the story was about or how it ended. He tends to have horrible endings. But he writes such great characters and makes everything feel so real. So honest. This is what I strive for when I write. I want good characters, and I want to tell the truth about life.

5. Okay, this last one isn't really a question. I'm supposed to tag five other people. But I don't know five people that have blogs who like to read. So if you're reading this, and you like to read, well, consider yourself tagged. If you happen to do the meme, leave me a comment and I'll come to your blog and read it. Sound fair?

Now back to my 100 things about me list. Let's see, where were we...ah, yes...

11. I don't like to smile. I'm not saying that I don't smile. It's just a rare occurrence. I especially don't like to be forced to smile, say for pictures. I don't have a good fake smile. That's why I don't like taking pictures. I wish we could take pictures like they used to in the old days. You weren't supposed to smile back then. You were supposed to keep a straight face and look serious. But what happened is some photographer was making wise cracks while he was taking the pictures and he happened to catch a beautiful woman smiling. Then he showed it around to all of his photographer buddies and they liked it. So from then on they would try to make everybody smile. Then somehow it became tradition. All traditions are accidents, I believe.

12. I don't want to be famous. Which also means that I don't want to be rich. I don't want to be famous because I'm shy. If I were famous, I would feel obligated to speak to everybody that recognized me. And I don't want to do that, so they would think I was rude. I would rather people not think I was rude, even though I am sometimes. My apologies. Now as far as the fortune goes, if I had all of the money that thirty people couldn't possibly spend in ten lifetimes (that's 300 lifetimes for you non-mathematicians), I would still be pursuing the same things that I'm doing now. I would still be writing. I would still be serving God. I would still be this same person. If anything, the money would seek to corrupt me. And being who I am, I would end up giving most of it away anyways. So why have it in the first place. Though I would be able to quit my job and focus more of my time doing God's work...hmmm...you know, God, that's not really a bad idea at all. But, alas, God's plan is to keep me humble. The last time I began to feel financially secure, my world was turned upside down. Perhaps I'll talk about that later.

13. I like to be alone. No, I don't mean that I like to be lonely. Though that tends to happen a lot when you're alone. I like my time to myself. I like to be able to write and think my thoughts without people interrupting me. But what happens is that I tend to distance myself so much from people that I do get lonely. I would so very much like to have friends and go do things with them and have fun and what not. My mom once told me (actually she told me several times) that you have to be a friend to have a friend. Who wants to be friends with someone who wants to be alone most of the time. Because two or more people really can't be alone together. It kind of defeats the purpose.

14. I'm a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy. No matter what the weather, no matter how hot or how cold, you'll find me most of the time in my t-shirt and jeans. And I love old t-shirts. The ones I wear most of the time when I'm not at work are like ten or more years old. And they haven’t fallen apart yet, despite constant use. I do everything in them. Some of them have a few holes and unremoveable stains, but I can still wear them in public. I do go through jeans pretty fast, though. Once the crotch rips out two or three times, there's not much left to patch.

15. I want to be a drummer. This would just be a side gig from my writing. I would tour with the band, and do my writing on the bus between shows. I would also write a lot of lyrics and come up with my own beats. I think it would be cool to play the guitar, too, but I just love the drums.

Five More

6. I'm stocky. I'm short, around 5'7. Am I fat? Would you dare ask that question? I suppose I am. I prefer the word 'chunky'. My main areas of chunkiness being my belly and my behind, but to look at the rest of me without viewing those two problem areas, you wouldn't think that I was fat at all.

7. I have asthma. I think this adds to my chunkiness. I get winded pretty easily. But I take medication for it now that I should have been taking my whole life, which keeps the attacks down to the minimum. I've never been hospitalized for my asthma. I can really only remember a few scary moments when I woke up and simply could not draw breath. But I survived, I think. I'm pretty sure I'm not dead...yet.

8. I love gardening. This includes mowing and trimming and anything to do with plants. Right now I have a huge vegetable garden that is too much for me to handle with my limited time. My big brother finally got out there today and pulled some weeds for me. I know that's all I'll be doing on my days off this week.

9. I can sleep a lot. If I don't have to be to work, and no one disturbs me, I can sleep anywhere from twelve to fourteen hours. It kills the rest of the day, however, since it makes me so sluggish. But somehow I slip into this zone and just snooze and snooze and snooze.

10. I've never broken a bone in my body (knock on particle board). I twisted up my wrist real bad playing football in the backyard and had to wear a cast, but no bones were broken. I twisted up my ankle real bad in a high school football game my senior year. But again, no bones were broken. And I used to climb up and down a small mountain when I was younger, and I climbed all around the rocks at the lake a million times as well. But I love milk and I drink a lot of it. Let that be a lesson to you, kids.

muchas gracias or much grace...i think

Wow. I got a compliment from the Complimenting Commenter in the comments on my last post (see below). Apparently this person goes from blog to blog leaving compliments in their comments. It's really a nice thing. According to their tally, they've given out about 1,300+ compliments, and they have 700+ blogs on their blogroll. I should figure out that blogroll deal. Anyways, work at the Evil Empire was hectic again. I bet the managers are sitting back and smiling at all the salary they're saving, but I bet the loss in sales will even things out. There's just only so much one person can do. I used to let it weigh on me when I left with the shelves half empty, but I'm learning to be complacent. When I go overnights, I won't have to worry about any of that anymore. I can just do my job without customers constantly getting in my way or asking where things are at. There will be a few customers since it's a 24 hour store, but stocking will be my main concern. And once it's stocked, it's stocked. You don't have to worry about it running out again thirty minutes later. In other words, it will create much less stress for my poor brain. I know I shouldn't worry about these things anyways, but that's just who I am. You ever go to a store and they don't have what you're looking for? Or at least it's not on the shelf where it should be, but you can't find anyone or aren't willing to ask anyone if they have any in the back, so you go home empty handed (well, besides all the impulse stuff you can't help but buy). Well, it's this very thing that eats at me when I can't keep up. I think of all those people who felt some degree of disappointment because of my inadequacy. It wasn't my fault, per se. But still, if I could have worked a little bit faster. If I'd not taken my fifteen minute breaks...ha, ha. Management freaks on you if they find out you didn't take your breaks. I get so busy that I miss some from time to time, but if you tell a manager that you're on break, they back off like you got something contagious.

Sorry to bore you so much with my job. But since I woke up too late to read my bible and didn't do any writing because it's Sunday, I've nothing else to talk about. Well, I did lose my wallet and had to drive out on the open road without my license handy. I obeyed all the traffic laws and didn't get pulled over, so it was okay. I wondered though, as I was driving and didn't feel the lump of my wallet in my right pocket, if I was still physically able to drive without my drivers license on my person. I managed it, but I felt so naked.

So there's this thing a lot of bloggers do with the 100 things about me deal. Where you list (you guessed it) 100 things about yourself. I guess I should do this. Some people aren't sure that they can think of 100 things about themselves. I can think of a couple of thousand things about myself, but I won't bore you that much. One fellow blogger that I know of did 100 things that they like about themselves. I'm too pessimistic for that. So I'll just stick with the 100 things, but I'll try to make them very specific things. I won't be like "#1: I have fingers". That's sort of cheating, I think. I'll try to make them things that not everybody can say about themselves. I'm gonna start off small. How about 5 things to start off with:

1. I am super creative. I can think of some really crazy stuff. Things people ought not to be thinking of. Forgive me, Lord.

2. I'm a writer. That kind of goes along with the creativity. But there are writers who have very little imagination. They write a lot of textbooks and instruction manuals.

3. I like books. I like to read, too, but the best way to describe my passion for the written word is to say that I like books. And magazines, too. I like any writing medium. I look at a book and it's thickness and it's potential, and it excites me. Actual reading a lot of the time just feels like a chore.

4. I've spoken in tongues. I'll group that together with being a Christian. Any time I begin to have any doubts about anything, I think back to that day that I was 100% filled with the Holy Spirit. I don't really remember much about the actual speaking in tongues part except for the very end of it. It seemed to last about a minute or so, but eye witnesses say I went on and on for a while, probably a good five to ten minutes. I don't know why so many churches ignore that part of the bible. But it's a real and true thing.

5. I love sunflower seeds. I really do. Give me a bag of sunflower seeds and you won't have to feed me for a while. Though I don't think the excessive salt intake that accompanies the seeds is very healthy. I used to eat them until my mouth bled. Now my mouth is used to it, so it doesn't bleed anymore. But I haven't eaten very many in the last six months or so. I go long stretches of time where I don't eat any. So I'm not addicted like everyone said I was. I took some steps...just kidding.

I'll try at five more tomorrow and five more the next day for the next twenty days.

Waste my days

Yeah, that's what a midshift tends to do to your whole day. Not enough time in the morning or in the evening to do anything constructive. I'm stuck on a midshift all week. Maybe next week they'll let me switch over to nights like I'm supposed to.

Storms rolled through today. A tornado touched down none too far from where I live. Lot's of lightning and thunder and rain. Huge drops of rain that I thought were going finish off what the crack in my windshield has already started. I saw some hail clouds, but no hail. The weather guy showed us some that had hit the station. I saw this one cloud that really looked alive. I kept waiting for it to start spinning. I saw a rainbow, though, amidst the clouds and remembered God's promise. I think we're more equipped to handle another flood these days. Ever see the movie Waterworld. We'd all be floating on our own arks with our pet poodles and hamsters.

I got a couple of new story ideas today. Well, one new one and one I forgot to write down and forgot about and remembered again. Lucky me. Now, where's my pen...

It's the reason...for my pain

Often times, when I get discouraged about my writing for one reason or another, I wonder if I really am a writer. I wonder if that's what God really intends for me to do. So I think of all the things that I can't do and see what's left. I can't sing, despite how hard I try. I can't play any instruments, and I don't have much desire to learn. I think I could be an okay drummer. I'm fairly athletic, or rather I have the potential to be. I surprise people with my speed and strength. But not so much that I could make a career of it. I don't have a drive for money or possessions, so I would not make a very good businessman. I'm a quiet person, and shy most of the time. I don't like dealing with people very much. I don't have an eloquent voice. I could almost be a preacher if I had a better speaking voice. I'm not a leader. I serve better as an advisor the person in charge. I prefer to be alone most of the time. I do get lonely, but once I've been around other people for a while, it's time to slip away to someplace quiet. As I've said before, I'm a deep thinker. I'm very conscious of other people. I'm always wondering what others might be thinking or feeling. Or what would they think and feel if I said a particular thing or did a particular thing. I think this adds to my shyness. I don't want to even begin to think that I've done or said something that could cause someone else pain. I like to make people happy, if I can. My happiness comes from other people's happiness. I hate to be a burden on anyone else. I think I'm getting off subject just a little. Sorry. When I think about what I am best at and what brings me joy and what I think about most of the time, it all points back to writing. Whether I am actually any good at it or not, it's what I want to do most in life. And because of my shyness, it's the best way for me to spread God's word. I'm not shy on the page (or the screen). This is where I can be bold. I'm getting better at talking to others about Christ. I've been down the path of sin and I can see the destruction it leads to. I hate that I had to go through it all, but it helps me relate to those who are on that same doomed path. It's made me a stronger Christian. And it's helped me to see the difference between a true Christian and those who just play church. It was horrible. It is horrible. But without it, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I think of all the trials and pains, self-inflicted or otherwise, that I've been through, and I know that it had to be so to make me who I am. But in the midst of it, standing in the hottest part of the flame, you can't imagine why God would let these things happen to you. You can't imagine why God would let you do these things to yourself. But life is a great exercise in patience. You get through the bad things and come out stronger on the other side. Time heals everything. There will still be a scar, but the bleeding eventually stops. I think of all the story ideas I've slowly accumulated in my binder. I've probably got a hundred or so still lying around on scraps of paper that I haven't put in my binder yet. But I know if my life hadn't been what it has been, if everything had gone according to plan, 90% of those ideas wouldn't be there. Most of the stories I've written wouldn't be there. I probably wouldn't be a writer. At least not the kind of writer that I've become. I would probably write bland suspense thrillers about celebrities and high society. I wouldn't know to delve deeper into the human psyche because I never would have experienced these hardships and had these pains to express. The bulk of my writing centers around those things. I may be writing a story about time-travel or alien invasions, but they're really about life and relationships and God's master plan. As I've said before, I won't write a story unless I can reveal something about God through it. I don't preach a sermon, but there is some bit of God's truth revealed in the resolution of the story. So everything about me, the way I think and live and the experiences of my past, present, and future, all revolve around spreading God's word through my writing. So anytime I get down on myself, I just have to think about these things and it all becomes clear again. My uncle once told me that if you love your job, you'll never work a day in your life. Usually when I write, I have a grand time. It's when I let the things of this world bog me down that my writing becomes slow and difficult and begins to feel like real work. And it helps to get plenty of sleep, too, so I better hit the sack.

Fertile Ground

It rained for like a week. I finally got back out into my garden to pull some weeds. I've been able to keep the weeds beat back enough so they don't choke my plants, but it still looks horrible. I wouldn't have made the garden so big if I'd known my tiller was gonna go kaput. Between the plants it's like a grassy meadow. But most of the plants seem to be doing okay. A few squash and zucchini plants looked dwarfed. Hopefully they will grow out of it. My potatoes are doing wonderfully. I'll be eating potatoes all winter. My tomatoes will be fine. Last year we didn't even attempt to pull the grass away from them and they still made tomatoes like crazy. I'm sure I'll have more green beans than I can handle. Peas never do any good around here. The lettuce and spinach already had their run. It wasn't a very successful one. I've never had success with corn before. We shall see. Half of them look sallow for some reason. Cucumbers should do fine. My tiller broke before I could make a spot for the cantaloupe and watermelon. We'll have to buy some from a roadside stand. Okra's still waiting on some good hot days to get going. Seems like there's more, but I think that's it. Oh, onions are great. They're recovering nicely from the once over I did on them. They really seem to be fattening up. My mom bought some hens a while back, and I would tell you how they are doing except they died three days after she brought them home. She fancies becoming Amish, but she won't be able to let go of the television. I would miss my wordprocessor and the internet and my music. I would introduce the Amish to gangsta rap. Just kidding. Rock and roll all the way. I would teach them some Relient K. I would be married, though. They would have taught me the proper way to court a girl, and she would be helpless to say no. I better go. I'm itching from all the grass. I had to trim the yard as well. I love it, but it has it's consequences.

Look the other way

I think I'm fixing to start working overnights at the Evil Empire. Seems very likely. Will mean a major change in my daily routine (if I really have a routine, that is). I'm a night person anyways, so I think it will be okay. But trying to get my sleeping done during the day with everybody chitter-chattering and what not might be a problem. And since the computer is here in my bedroom and everybody wants to check their email and what not forty times a day compounds that problem. I'm thinking of getting a small bed set up in what serves as my writing/junk room. That will definitely help. The transition will be the hardest part. I'll manage it, I know. I use to go to work on occasion having not slept the night before. I know of a few times I stayed up all night writing and went to work the next morning. Though I didn't have to drive forty minutes to get to that job either. Oh, well. I'll manage.

No writing and no bible reading occurred today. I slept in late and my grandparents came for a visit. Add to that my nieces and oldest brother and his wife, and we had a regular ol' shindig happening. Mom cooked a wonderful meal and we ate and played cards. And when my grandparents left, we watched a movie. So by then I was pretty much shot for anything useful.

I called my friend last night. She didn't have much to say about nothing. I had her convinced for a while that I was married, but when she asked for my wife's name, I drew a blank. I must have been tired. I'm usually a pretty quick thinker. No, I wasn't trying to lie to her. I was kidding. It's only a lie if I truly want her to continue believing that I'm married. She's told me she was married hundreds of times, but I never believed her. I think she did almost get married once her student visa expired and she was trying to get it renewed. I think that's why she keeps pretending to try to get her masters, so she can stay in the country. Anyways, I know you could care less about this petty stuff. I did conclude from our conversation that she in fact did not read that long post. If she had, surely she would have said something to me about it. And I'm not real sure if she read my last email, either. She usually responds, however curtly, to my emails.

We are beings of the flesh and of the spirit. Our flesh desires the things of this world, while our spirit seeks God. It is a constant battle. The spirit will win out when the flesh dies. But right here, right now, in this life, it can be so hard. We seek, we pray, we cry out. We falter. We triumph. We falter. We falter. We falter. We triumph. We falter, again. We seek, we pray, we cry out. Oh, the days grow long. The weeks and months and years. Our lives. Then, in the end, a bright, shining light. His eternal glory. Our spirit soars, leaving this blackness behind. Oh, how I wait for the day.