I've had these lasts two days off, and I didn't write a word on the novel I've been working on for several months now. Usually, I feel bad when I waste away my days like this, getting nothing done. But this time I don't. It's not like I haven't done anything. I mowed my parents gargantuan lawn, and I mowed and trimmed my brother's lawn. I mowed them on a riding lawnmower, so all I really had to do was steer. And I love to weed-eat (trim). Don't ask me why. I suppose the heat and humidity have taken their toll on me, however.
I read about five chapters in Acts today. I read the part where Gamaliel, Pharisee and expert in religious law, confronted the council about prior religious movements and how when their leaders died, the followers went their separate ways. He said if this current movement with Jesus wasn't from God, then Jesus's followers would soon lose their interest and go away. But if they didn't, then it was truly from God, and the council would be fighting against God Himself. I thought that was cool. I had wondered if other people who knew the scriptures had claimed to be the messiah prior to Jesus. And I know I've read through Acts at least two times, but I didn't catch it. Just another example of why we need to read and reread our bible over and over again. There are so many things we miss or simply don't understand the first or second or third time through that we may catch the fourth or fifth or sixth time through. I think a lot of it has to do with our maturity as we age and our maturity as we continue to grow in Christ.
I also read the part where Ananias and Sapphira both died for lying about how much they sold a field for. Peter clearly pointed out that it wasn't because they only gave half of the money they sold the field for. He said that they didn't have to sell the field and give the money to the church in the first place, if they didn't want to. But they lied and said they gave the full amount so people would think more highly of them among the church. You know, if God struck down every person that did something falsely to receive praise from their fellow church members, the memberships of the churches today would probably be cut in half.
And, of course, I read through Paul's conversion. You probably won't find a better example of how God can use even the most loathsome people to do his will. Paul refers to himself in some of his letters as the chief sinner. If you think you've sinned too much for Jesus to save you, you're wrong. There's only one unforgivable sin--blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. If your afraid that you might have accidentally committed this sin, don't worry. You haven't. It's a very deliberate sin, and you have to be fully aware of what you're doing to commit it. And if you've committed it, you don't care. You're glad you did it. And you fully understand that you have forever separated yourself from God and are damned to life in hell. You know this, and you still don't care. If you're worried about it, then you've already proven your innocence. So sleep easy tonight, dear child.
Well, it's back to the grind tomorrow. I've done messed myself up by deciding that I like a girl at work. I don't know why I like her. There's no rhyme or reason for it. There's plenty of girls there to be liked. But my heart decided, for now at least, that this is the one that will dominate my thoughts. I'll probably never say anything to her about the way I feel. I may pass a word or two with her as I had been doing before I decided that I liked her. Except this time I'll feel a tingle in my stomach and wonder if my words were as cool and suave as I want them to be. They usually aren't. I usually think of the perfect thing to say, but it doesn't come out right. These feelings will pass as they usually do. I'll find out that she's married (though I don't see a ring, but who wears their ring to a job that requires manual labor), or she's got kids (which I seem to think I caught the tail end of a conversation in which I got the impression that she might have kids. Nothing against kids or unmarried women who have them. Do not judge, lest ye be judged. But I had always had the feeling that if I ever had a family, I would start fresh.) Eventually I find these things out without saying a word to the girl in question or her immediate co-workers. I'm like this silent, patient investigator that never asks any questions. More like an undercover agent careful not to be exposed. It's a pathetic way I have about me, and I fully understand that it hinders me from having the things I may desire. But God made me this way for a reason. So I shall not question it. Ask and ye shall receive. If God wills it, then it shall be.
Maybe tomorrow I'll write a poem, or some song lyrics. Depends on how the day goes, I guess.
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